Sunday, July 09, 2006

// this is an old entry - year and half ago //

lost or found in nowhere?

You wake up opening your eyes, clearing the fuzzy image of your room... How ironic - for whole your life you have your eyes wide open, and yet you fail to see so many things. Many will now debate on this statement - but it is true. This world is not made by us, we are here and we are using it, and what we do has melted to a simple defintion of ruining it. I cannot stop but repeat the sentence I have heard - " I am so disgusted with human race". Yes call me hypocrate, hypocrate for insulting my very own being. Well - tell me you did not feel that disgust so far and not once but so many times. I am sick of "embalaged" people asking me how I can be so rude and so blunt - what do You want me to be - a perfect pink image of your barbie world that u like now but will not like later and then you will want me to be something else. Exactly - something else - not someone else.
I walked downtown - to rush Robson street. I came on busiest "piece of asphalt" and stopped. I observed. Besides seeing two Starbucks coffee shops on each corner of street and endless iterative sequence of shops, endless iterative drops of rain falling on my glasses, I saw people. Lots of them. Rushing, walking, stepping, swearing, screaming, yelling, crying, begging, priding, bitching, .... Some female some male... Some easy to spot some not... And yet - all I saw was nothing. I saw stupid group of animals obeying the rules they themselves cannot follow but ruin the very basic of their decisions. I saw animals driven by instinct and yet declaring themsleves as higher beings - guided by reason. I saw hypocrate vegeterians, doublefaced religious freaks, and those grey personalities able to shift whichever way u bent them. I am lost. I can already hear the words coming to a mind of someone reading this - coming from this group - " God - look at this garbage - who is he to judge... what is he to judge... " I am not judging. I am observing. For I do not feel part of it - the image i observe, the image i create with lense of my poor eyes. I am not a "follower"... I am not just a new iteration in a sequence of endless clones... I am someone to evolve - I want to evolve. But you donnot let me.


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